his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
