And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
