you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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