the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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