just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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