Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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