Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize