Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
