so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
