you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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