so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
