she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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