I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
