paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
porn star boner night. come get it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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