I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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