we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
