my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
