operation harelip BJ is a go
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
