apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
