I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
