I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
