you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
