she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
