Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
