dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
