What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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