someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
