no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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