I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
