We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
