I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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