I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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