Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
