She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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