I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
