I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
