Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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