Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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