plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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