As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
