I can text with my tongue
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
