I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
