every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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