If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
