Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
