i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
