Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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