evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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