you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it fun? or sober?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
