Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
