I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize