Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize