i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
