My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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