He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
