My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
