You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
