the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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