So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
