"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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