Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I understand Curling. That high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
