You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
