Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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