My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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