Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
