I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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