I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
