i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
