singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
