I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
