I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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