They should really pass out barf bags in church
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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