my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
