in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
