I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
