she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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